Letting Go

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I never fathomed the season of letting go. I have been the “keeper of John” for 2 years and 3 months. God has seen fit to change that prediction from 3-9 months. I saw him off to his first day of school, I observed the first day. There was one meltdown. As is to be expected to happen with frontal lobe brain damage. It was overall a good experience. I sat through 1 full day so far, 6 just for the last hour of the day. There have been some tweaks and he is going to do well.

I witnesses acts of compassion by his teacher that would never happen in a public school. One little boy at the end of the day had just had enough. The teacher addressed his behavior and then decided it was an emotional meltdown. She took the child onto her lap and reassured him that the day was almost over, she addressed the class in their afternoon meeting. She asked questions about what the children had observed and learned. That little boy didn’t leave her lap until he felt ok.

I almost cried at that moment. The compassion exhibited was nothing John would ever experience in public school. I knew God had his hand on my children’s placement in this school. The compassion that a teacher is allowed to exhibit is a rare thing in today’s society.

There were hiccups along the way, but nothing unmanageable.

John has three National Honor Students coming in a day to help him physically and to stay on task. This is a God send, given the state abolished personal aides for specific students through public funding.

But, onward to letting go. I have every shred of John’s medical and testing burned into my brain. I know my child inside and out. I know how to handle every situation. In every setting.

Letting go is hard. Really hard. I know when he needs additional physical therapy. I know when he is not quite right. I know when he has headaches and lethargy. I know when he needs a new leg brace. I know every stat, figure, percentage, and number you could possibly ask me. I have been his keeper of information physically for 2 years and 3 months.

Letting go of being the eyes and ears of that is hard. I know where every bruise, bump, scratch, and owiie comes from. I know how to handle his meltdowns. I have to give all of this up.

It has consumed my identity. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like my life is keeping track of the progress of another’s life.

I have had very many successful meetings with his current school. It is an outstanding place for him to be. They are willing to learn from him and be progressive in their offerings to our son. It is a God Send straight from Heaven. It is what i have prayed for all year.

Today I was told, “we wanted your children here, from day one.” “we wanted to educate and help him, and we knew your daughter was a perfect fit, and we dedicated ourselves to wanting your son to land right here.”

Do you know how rare it is for someone to say your wanted? I don’t think I have ever heard that in my life. My children are wanted. God made a way.

I feel the peace of God settling over me, and letting go will be a process. I know this. John is in good hands, I have had all the meetings and observation i need to know this is fact. God is good.

This is the testimony I have for now, Faith


Steve click here


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