The Struggle


I love this picture because it tells a story. A story of trusting that you will land on both feet. I have jumped off the proverbial dock and am in mid-air right now. I am trying to trust that no matter what shows up on that mri coming up, that I am supposed to land on both feet. John is on that dock jumping with us. Although he only knows the bliss of childhood and doesn’t realize that landing on both feet over and over again is how life is going to go for him, he keeps getting back up on that dock.

I do not enjoy seeing my shadow over water. I never really trust that I am going to land on both feet. I have fallen before and it hurts. somehow that pain overshadows the bliss. Not that waiting for an mri is blissful, but the proverbial bliss that life has to offer. It is a struggle. I enjoy moments where joy is to be had. It is hard to not allow the pain of the unknown to overshadow the joy. I think anyone in our situation would have the same struggle.

I keep reminding myself that my hope is not placed in an outcome. But, in God who has the bigger picture. As the days roll on and the mri date gets closer and closer, my anxiety rises. It’s a struggle. Keeping my focus right now is difficult. I know I can land on both feet. I am trying hard to believe that while looking out over the water and seeing my shadow down below.

John is an inspiration to me. He only knows the joy of the descent into the water. He jumps again and again. With laughter and expectation of the next jump. What a lesson we can all learn from him!

Fear runs deep, but it’s never what we want to feel. We want the good fluffy feeling stuff in our lives. I am beginning to see that it is a choice we make. We can choose to live in the bondage of fear. Or we can choose to live in the freedom of the moment. It is a moment by moment struggle in my life. I look at my children and am desiring more and more their outlook on life. Expectation of what the next moment will bring, with a smile.

With Love,



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