I started my seedlings in mid march. Seeds into dirt. so simple. such a metaphor for life….sigh….I love to grow things. It makes me so happy. I like beautiful heirloom veggies that no one has ever seen, at least not most normal people. Purple tomatoes, speckled green beans, baseball bat size zucchini, piles and piles of veggies, that makes me happy. The garden is my happy place. I love it there.
I have thought a lot lately about what makes me happy. But, this post is not about me. You see, I built this idyllic garden, playhouse, sandbox, and yard for my babies.
There is a part of my dream that I have had to let go of. It is the part where everything Is perfect because I can build it that way. I am a whiz with power tools and projects. I know my way around an overblown project on crack. But, the heart of what I built was for my children to have a perfect childhood. I am obviously an idealistic person. smh…meh…overrated. I say that now, but…when I built this magnificent back yard, our life was going to be perfect. with 2 beautiful children and the perfect life. I was going to be a baby factory…lots of children to teach how to garden and watch play while I sipped iced tea from my patio.
Isnt it funny how real life interrupts that whole shebang of idealism? Wood bees love my swing set. My husband would rather burn leaves than wood in my fire pit. My pepper plants are plagued by bugs, and I hate iced tea. Just saying. Then there’s the obvious. my son is handicapped. the back yard is a treacherous place for him and he requires supervision.
a huge part of me had to just let go. give it up and surrender to life. Life is good, I know how to kill wood bees after all. And I like to watch my children hang off of the 10 ft drop overhanging the stairs to the playhouse…..ok maybe it’s not 10 ft, but you get the point. I almost have a heart attack every time I watch them play. But, back to the letting go.
Somewhere in between projects and idealism real life hit with a vengeance. I still love all my idealism fresh out of my 20’s and hope my spirit never dwindles. But, I think a lot more about the now. Right now, we are…..Right now, I want to….Right now, the children are happy. And in its sloppy sort of freshness, so am I.
I think the 30’s grow you up quite a bit. I see a ripening of wisdom here and there. It is a season of embracing change and learning to enjoy it. I am there.
with love, Faith