Its been 11 months since John’s diagnosis of brain cancer and his death sentence of 3-9 months to live. we spent a lot of those months helping him rehabilitate from his surgery and all the brain damage. It was a daunting schedule of appointments and obligations on my time. as I previously said here, I lost my identity.
So, I went home to Texas. I went to comfort, my family, my roots. I put my boots on and my bling and remembered who I was. My name is Faith, I love country music, I enjoy dancing even if im not good at it, I love karaoke, I like cigars, I love to read, I also love to shop for my babies. I have a deep heart that loves with a passion. I take relationships very seriously. I care about the details of life. I love to take pictures, I love nature, I want to photograph every beautiful thing. I like to sing when no one is listening, I love a good bourbon. I love my ex mother in law, shes part of my family. I remembered that my family extends beyond the border of natural family and that I am a very well-loved woman. I like to ride rollercoasters, I love to see new things and be spontaneous. I love life. I love beef jerky and good food. I like road trips that have no destination. I love sundresses and the wind on my skin.
All it took was going home to remember who I am. This 11 months that I experienced was horrific and riddled with emotion that will take years to process. And I am ok with that. I feel like I am on even ground again. I know that it could all change with one mri. And that is ok too. I know how to live IN THE MOMENT. It is what carries me. By Gods grace I can cope with life as the appointments have finally slowed to a crawl. I can finally stand being in my own skin. It was a rough transition into normal life. the new normal is good and I can now settle in with contentment. Everything in the universe is ok. The world is not crashing down around me and I don’t have to stand in pensive expectation of disaster any longer. My world got bigger again and I have choices. I have three children to focus on and a lovely relationship with them that I cherish.
The photo is me in Texas with my oldest daughter in the traditional Texas spring blue bonnet background. I love home. It is always so refreshing to go back there.
With Love, Faith
P.S. John is doing wonderful right now…