I have taken a much needed emotional break from blogging. It really takes all the guts I have to dig through my feelings and express them. It has been a rough couple of weeks here. I had a health scare, John John had an mri, were on our second out of three Christmases this year. And dangblad…..Im tired.
So, the mri. No changes. Were coming up on 7 months of a death sentence of 3-9 months for John John. That’s a little scary. What is wonderful is that the doctors feel confident enough to wait three more months to do the next mri instead of two months. I am relieved and anxious all at the same time. I know that if I think something has changed, they will see me in a second flat. But, its kinda like adding hope to one side of the balance that im afraid to add hope to. No one has ever survived his type of brain tumor. Adding hope is a scary thing to me. It is investing emotion into an area of my life that is highly uncertain. Trepidation and fear dominate this part of my life. Where John John is concerned, fear rules. Along with love, of course. We enjoy greatly the little things. They are what living life to the full is about. The little moments. The in between moments. But, it IS a balance.
I had my own health scare. Hella scary. Nuf said.
Christmas is upon us. The season of hope. We have had two Christmases and are nearing on our third. We are happy to celebrate every blessed day as if it were the first new thing we have ever seen. (you do that too, right?) It’s the moments we have. Making cut out cookies to give away. Frosting everywhere while we all lick our fingers after were done. Flour in the carpet from rolling out the cookies. Smiles, oh dear Lord, the smiles….they melt my heart and make me cry. I love the joy. I eat up every moment of joy I can find admist the chaos.
I didn’t decorate this year, somehow it was just a difficult thing for me to do. I have struggled with this holiday. I feel so torn and empty in a lot of ways. We live in service to numerous appointments that suck the life out of life. If you know what I mean. But, it is time well invested. In John John. Work hard. Not much time for play. truth up.
Our make a wish trip is coming up soon. We will be in florida at the end of jan to the mid of feb to do Disney, universal studios, and sea world. It will be warm and John will be the king. I am so looking forward to the break. It will be a dream trip for both kids…But bittersweet at the same time. It is make a wish. You only get to make a wish if you might die. That right there is heavy stuff.
So, I know im stuffing a lot into this post with too few words. So, I will end here. All is well in our house and we pray all is well in yours. Don’t forget to enjoy the moment. Every last moment you can grab. Merry Christmas, may The Lord be with you.