Yesterday I went to the doctor to look at a lump in my neck under my jawbone. I was quickly corrected that what I had was not a lump, but a MASS. It is not small and is pressing on both the jaw bone (hence the pain) and the throat (hence the trouble swallowing). I am not sure what one should say when they have been diagnosed with a mass. It is a tumor of some sort.
My son has brain cancer. What am I to think of this whole picture? He had a mass, now I have a mass. I am terrified and terrorized at best.
I have a cat scan at the end of this week. I will walk out with the films and promptly look for lighted up cancers on the films. I am a pro at this by now. I know how to spot cancer, against all better judgement. I have been examining films for months now in order to better understand.
I cannot imagine how to proceed at this point. It is a hard mass. It is pressing on important things. I have been advised that depending on the scans, a specialist will be chosen. ENT dr or oncologist. Oh dear. (obviously understated)….I can not help but imagine how i am going to keep up with my sons care if i have cancer. Even surgery will cause a huge problem. I am scared and human. There is no pride here.