The nostalgia of the holidays


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Is this the last Thanksgiving with my son? How could I not ask myself this question? It is so bittersweet for me this season. I have let go of expectations and chosen the higher road, to live with life as it goes. I ask myself this question every time we have an occasion or holiday. Will it be the last? Will I remember his face? His outfit? His joy? His preferences? His very way of being?

I did not feel very holidayish this year. We went to the diner and ate with John John’s grandfather. It was a nice meal with many protests over the fact that the diner did not serve macaroni and cheese. yes, macaroni and cheese. That’s John John for you.

He’s on the weight down slide again. (lost 10 lbs, gained 4 1/2 lbs, lost 1/2 lb) Not interested in eating much these days. I didn’t want to spend the whole day cooking knowing he wouldn’t eat a thing I made, then spend the rest of the day cleaning up the mess and trying to figure out what to do with the leftovers. (i’d be crying if I did that)

It was way low-key. I think I will keep it that way in the future. So much more time to just be normal. I like that. The priorities have changed so much in my mind.

I relish the fact that the house was peaceful today and cheesecake was the main event. (it should be the main event everyday if you ask me)…

The nostalgia of large Thanksgivings past is gone. I’m so over it. I can cook a 10 lb lasagna in an hour flat. I do not need to waste half the day cooking a turkey.(That is for the young and idealistic who have known no war in their lives. we are in a war against time, and today I won!) That used to be me. I didn’t care if it was three of us. we were going to have a nice Thanksgiving. The whole shebang! Orderves and all! yeah, not so much these days.

I’m tired. very tired. if annies mac n cheese makes my crowd happy…well, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Oh, and don’t forget the cheesecake.

Love, Faith

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