We are on a high from yesterday….lol…just a little….But, I want to talk about something else. John’s not acting quite right. It’s a funny thing, you can never know when a symptom means cancer is growing back or not. But, changes are not good most of the time.
here’s what I see. he has headaches that Tylenol is not relieving (symptom of possible building pressure in the brain), less stamina, lowered appetite, less endurance on his right side, falling more often.
What does this mean? who the heck knows, really. It means you call the oncology triage nurse. she runs through his symptoms and questions you about whether he is sleeping more than usual (yes) coherent (yes) vomiting (no) confused (no)….then she says if he vomits over the weekend please call and alert the er you are bringing him in. (he’s not a puker, so I doubt that would happen anyway). the call to the triage nurse is always riddled with anxiety. she reaffirms that I know my child best (I like that) she validates my concerns (thank God) then asks questions that turn my stomach over in anxiety unknown to the average person.
To me the questions spur on the picture of what the end might look like. and it scares me. I shove that to the back of my mind.
So, he will be seen monday and a new mri taken shortly afterward. for now we buy stock in Tylenol and walgreens for selling the stuff. seriously. I’m the local Tylenol dispensary. There are times when we go through a bottle a week. this is one of those weeks….
Its ok, *breathe* we are all ok. John is tired and tired. worn and petered out. it is what it is and guess what, since I know I can’t change it. I’m ok with it. God has a bigger plan, be it healing or not. We maintain our faith not on an outcome, but in Gods bigger plan that we cant always see.
with much love and affection, Faith
If you would like to help us get John John’s foundation started, please click here to donate. It costs about $1000 to start a foundation. We want it funded and ready to go once our paperwork goes through the irs.