Giving others the measure you want to be given


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There was a lot of feedback on a topic I discussed a couple of weeks ago here. I know the topic of judgement is not one i feel the pain of by myself. As a person who has lived a long short life, at age 32 I have had many people look at my life in judgement. Sure, I have made my share of mistakes, sins, missteps in life. It has seemed to me that many fingers have been pointed in my direction in an accusatory manner. My failures apparently are not just my own, but the world seems to own the rights to use them against me. The board of condemnation seems to resonate inside of my head.

I heard a phrase recently, condemnation engineering. It is a way of rationalizing our judgement of others. We try to “fix” them by judging them. If we could just force them to recognize what we think they are doing wrong, we are helping them. The people who are victim of this type of assault experience the equivalent of being beat in the heart with a baseball bat. The person being judged feels attacked. They will become defensive and usually shut down. The problem with this kind of thought process is that it does not flow from a heart filled with love. There is compassion and empathy lacking in this strategy of “fixing” someones apparent shortcomings. This is a great method for pushing someone far far away from you…..in effect rendering yourself useless in facilitating actual change.

Matthew 7:1-5

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

When we judge, we should then expect to be judged with the same measure. Oh, a cup of judgement for me? Okie dokie, Here’s a cup right back at you. Isn’t that how oh say at least 100 arguments in your life have gone down?

It isn’t always about circumstances. Sometimes people just don’t know how to change. It doesn’t mean they don’t desire change. I was blessed enough to have a mentor in my early 20’s that understood my desire to change. In love, she gently guided me through my errors and helped me learn to stumble less. She did not set out to “fix” me. But, she patiently taught me how to be more like I wanted to be. A Christ follower. It didn’t mean I didn’t continue to make mistakes. But, because of her love, I could take my mistakes to her and sort through them and gain wisdom.

In my 30’s I have been blessed with a new set of mentors who have helped me reach deeper within my own heart and examine the motives behind my thoughts. (this is where real change happens)

You see, judging and condemning others never works. Loving someone will almost always produce fruit. Lets just get real. I am not the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, or friend of all time. I fail all the time. And, I am blessed to be in relationships with people who help me gain wisdom from my failures. And, I am able to offer the same to them in love. They do not judge me. They love me. One produces a negative fruit, the other produces the desired outcome. Change.

You see the correct way of dealing with another person is to walk beside them. See where their shoes have been.

We all want to be good people who know how to love each other. I give grace to those who judge. It would serve no purpose to buy into their condemnation. It fixes nothing. It hurts relationships. I want to serve those around me. I want to walk alongside the fallen, hurting, and desperately trying people around me. I want to build them up In Christ as brothers and sisters. It seems to be a better option that will actually produce change. It’s about how we choose to love each other. Choosing humility and friendship over pride and judgement.

Choosing to love you, Faith

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One thought on “Giving others the measure you want to be given

  1. Pingback: The bad mommy glare I get from other parents | God'sfaith's Weblog

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