When the emotion hits, it causes a wave

after age 4 fireman john 184

This photo encompasses a wave of emotion i can only try to describe. You see, my son said, ” I want to be a firefighter when I grow up”. That of course caused instant action and tears behind my giant sunglasses at the fall fare we were at. I have never heard my son say he wants to be anything. Not that he should, he is four years old after all….

I asked to fire fighter if he would come and say hello to my son. I explained that he would be scared and that he may not be able to see him and his gear as you or i would. That loud sounds scared him. That large objects look like they may be moving to him. The man approached my son with love and a gentleness that a mother could never forget.

As I shot this photo in a series, my eyes welled up and I held back the tears. I held them back. But I couldn’t hold back the look on my face as I took the photos. Tears were well hidden behind my glasses, but a woman took notice.

She was the fireman’s mother. She came to me and said, ” I see my son with yours and feel like my life has come full circle”. She said that she had seen the emotion on my face and had felt my heart as a mother. I gently told her that my heart was not as a mother with a child that had found their dream, but a child that might never realize his dream.

Cancer. Damm Cancer. ….I felt the emotion of the moment spill over my sunglasses and I smiled. I smiled because I know God has John John’s back. That death is the beginning of life. That no one know the plan except Him.

I am taking the liberty of crying now. Because, in my wildest dreams John John is a firefighter and is a man with a family and a dream. I grieve that thought right now, while i pray it becomes a real life dream come true. Sometimes I just don’t know how to process these things. I don’t know whether to stay in the grief or the dream. It’s so hard to know where the line is drawn.

I am a mother who’s heart is torn. torn between hope in future life for John John and future eternity for him. Never knowing if one is different from the other. Never knowing if his death sentence is an act of mercy or a bump in the road to a wonderful life that even I could never imagine…..

a picture is worth a thousand words. I was crying when I took this picture. Understanding that John John’s words were real, he wanted to be a fire fighter enough to battle a raging headache that three 80 mg Tylenol couldn’t combat to watch the jaws of life rip apart a car. God bless his little soul. He is an amazing testament to the fact that will, will get you places. Sheer will. And that he has.

Love, Faith

after age 4 fireman john 123after age 4 fireman john 142after age 4 fireman john 059


5 thoughts on “When the emotion hits, it causes a wave

  1. Faith, I am that mother you speak about in your blog. I introduced myself to you at the festival, Annette, the mother to the fire fighter Kevin. You and your family have touched my heart. As I mentioned to you, I am also from San Antonio. I called my mother in Texas and asked her to pray for John John and your family. She told me that as soon as we got off the telephone she would get back on the phone and call my Aunts and ask the same of them. Prayer is a powerful thing.

    God bless you all.


    • Annette, thank you so much….You and Kevin made a mark on our lives that will be there forever. Thank you so much. It is the small things that touch our lives in such profound ways that really make me examine where I am at. John John is still talking about the “stuper stuper fireman with the impact car ripper” LOL!! He says he is going to rip apart cars with other firefighters when he grows up too. ❤ Keep praying, we serve a BIG GOD!

      • Faith, I hope that I am not over whelming you with these emails but I have shared “chance meeting” with others that I know have faith in a higher power.

        My husband mentioned this also to his boss at work and they were wondering if there is anything you need. I think maybe they were thinking along the lines of an early Christmas. Is it okay for them to get in touch with you? Please let me know if we would not be imposing. You can email me at mpingon@aol.com.

        How is John John doing today? My heart is heavy for you little man.

        Praying for you all,

  2. Hello Faith, I’m the fire fighter who you asked to talk to John John. Out if all those other guys there you chose me. John John has moved me very much. I went home after that day and said to myself I wish I did a little more for him. So if he ever wants to go and see the rest of the fire house and sit in the trucks, please don’t hesitant to email me or whatever. I would be more then welcome to come up and show him around. My email is kpingon@eveshamfire.org.

    • Kevin, thank you so much! We would be happyvto take you up on that offer!! John john was so excited after meeting you! You really made a wonderful impression on him! Your kindness is greatly appreciated!! Thank you…

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