I have been given a lot of lip service in my day. People saying they will pray for me and then nothing. Folks saying they will do anything to help and then after you are in the trenches for months, they disappear. It makes you realize how absorbed people are into their own lives and agendas. I find it a terrible way to live. A year ago I had a large group of peers to pull from and most are gone.
yes, were in the throes of a long haul problem. John’s cancer is not a short acting time bomb. It is something we have had to live with and grow accustomed to. It has changed our habits, our lives, and our perspectives. I for one, have decided to deeply question my beliefs in a merciful God. Yeah, I guess that makes me an outcast in my former company. But, I don’t go to church anymore or prescribe to some unwritten code of rules dictated by others.
I see people’s hearts. I know who cares by their actions. I judge by actions. Not by gossip, or what I think their motives are, or by accusation… But by actions. That is how love is shown. I have been very unloved by a faction of people who know who they are. And, my son will never know the difference. I have had to have conversations with my daughter explaining the difference between saying you care and actually caring…..those are hard conversations. I am not going to get into specifics here.
What I really have to say is that Christianity and Action is not lining up for me. I have walked away from the “church”, not God. I can no longer stand to be a facade to people who present a great front with no action. It is against what I believe to be true Christian relationship.
I will continue with my very limited but trusted few for mentorship and advice.
What I have seen, is that the greater non-Christian population stand with us in a massive amount of support that our “brothers and sisters” severely lack. I am astounded. I always thought it would be the other way around.
But, given what the Baptist church in Texas did to me when my son was murdered, I should not be surprised. I will remain apart, until such a time as I see a reason to rejoin the fold as a cared for and loved member of the body.