a non a mus, book club, brain cancer, brain damage, cancer, children, condemnation, death, death of a child, fireman jim, fireman kevin, foundation, from the heart, frontal lobe damage, god, hope, hopes and dreams, immediate family, intentional family, Jesus, John John, judement, life, life changing, love, pediatric cancer, perfect christians, perfect parents, real love, special ed
Its been 11 months since John’s diagnosis of brain cancer and his death sentence of 3-9 months to live. we spent a lot of those months helping him rehabilitate from his surgery and all the brain damage. It was a daunting schedule of appointments and obligations on my time. as I previously said here, I lost my identity.
So, I went home to Texas. I went to comfort, my family, my roots. I put my boots on and my bling and remembered who I was. My name is Faith, I love country music, I enjoy dancing even if im not good at it, I love karaoke, I like cigars, I love to read, I also love to shop for my babies. I have a deep heart that loves with a passion. I take relationships very seriously. I care about the details of life. I love to take pictures, I love nature, I want to photograph every beautiful thing. I like to sing when no one is listening, I love a good bourbon. I love my ex mother in law, shes part of my family. I remembered that my family extends beyond the border of natural family and that I am a very well-loved woman. I like to ride rollercoasters, I love to see new things and be spontaneous. I love life. I love beef jerky and good food. I like road trips that have no destination. I love sundresses and the wind on my skin.
All it took was going home to remember who I am. This 11 months that I experienced was horrific and riddled with emotion that will take years to process. And I am ok with that. I feel like I am on even ground again. I know that it could all change with one mri. And that is ok too. I know how to live IN THE MOMENT. It is what carries me. By Gods grace I can cope with life as the appointments have finally slowed to a crawl. I can finally stand being in my own skin. It was a rough transition into normal life. the new normal is good and I can now settle in with contentment. Everything in the universe is ok. The world is not crashing down around me and I don’t have to stand in pensive expectation of disaster any longer. My world got bigger again and I have choices. I have three children to focus on and a lovely relationship with them that I cherish.
The photo is me in Texas with my oldest daughter in the traditional Texas spring blue bonnet background. I love home. It is always so refreshing to go back there.
With Love, Faith
P.S. John is doing wonderful right now…